It was a little over 12 years ago when I joined the Dark Side as a "reporter" for Medicare. Those were great days, young and single working with other young and single ladies. Taking trips on the companies dime, working some, having fun alot. I came to know Buckethead and several other Buckethead types. They mostly hated me, because once a year I was very needy. They didn't realize that they were needy off an on the whole year. My skin is thick, so I deal with it.
In my secret life I am in a hard driving country/rock band. I'm pretty much an alcoholic, but no one knows or at least I haven't been confronted. Every weekend my band plays in one of about 6 or 7 bars in my area. It's funny how each show is relatively the same. The band is the show for the bar, but the people are the show for the band. It's almost guaranteed that when we are setting up and the bar has just opened, there will be the lone guy in a cowboy hat sitting at the bar. He will be drunk and barely able to stand before there are 10 people in the bar. Later will come in his female counterpart. She will also be quite drunk before the place gets rockin', but she will be rowdy as hell. She'll be the one that says nothing for the first set we play, but once the second set begins, she will be cussing anyone near her and often times she will cuss me as well. I then have to calm her down by suggesting she dance in front of the band. She's a big girl, so this is nothing special, but it seems to calm her down. The cute young girls that love the guys in the band are usually there as well. They are the ones that flash all they've got at the drop of a hat. I LOVE those girls. The fighting guys are there too. They start up at midnight and are quickly escorted out. The remaining guys should always love this since it helps the ratio. By the time the fighters are gone, any "pairings" that are going to take place happen pretty fast. Over the course of the night, I can pick most of them out with ease. Oh, and I get paid for this.
My goal is to leave the Dark Side and tour full time. I think we're good enough, but I also think we would be prime material for a VH1 Behind the Music documentary. Alcohol abuse, constant squabbling amongst the band, division, so on and so on. Maybe we could get rich first.
